Chuck Norris doesn't have Happy Birthdays, Happy Birthdays have a Chuck Norris? :O

Giving is better than receiving. This is especially true with a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

CHUCK NORRIS TALKS IN ALL CAPS!!!

Chuck Norris was once refused service at a McDonald's, and he got so mad, he went outside and roundhouse kicked it into a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris Doesn't mow his lawn, he stares at it and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he punched his way out, and then grew a beard.
I got more if ya want'm ^_^!

how much wood could a... *roundhouse kicked in the face*

Chuck Norris can eat 1000 prunes in 10 minutes.
The his resulting diarrhea melts steel.

Awesome!

I watched Sidekicks on laserdisc (!!!!!) this weekend. It's a movie about a kid who fantasizes of being Cuck Norris's sidekick and it is greatness.

Chuck Norris's tears could cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. 7 are steak, and the eighth is the rest of the cow.
Chuck Norris built a time machine, and stopped the Kennedy assassination with hisbeard, but Keneddy's head exploded out of sheer shock.
CHuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Thre is no such thing as evolution, just the animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't want to be a Ninja, Ninja's want to be Chuck Norris.
You know how People wear superman Boxorz, Superman wears Chuck Norris Boxorz.
When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was abducted by Martians, which is why no life exists there anymore.

That last one i made up just now :3

Chuck Norris can list 8197 digits of Pi - 1 more than the world record - in less than a hundredth of a second.  Some call it a roundhouse kick. (Haha calculus joke)
Chuck Norris taught at an elementary school for 2 months in 1983, but he ran off with $18billion of federal education grants because the school restricted him from roundhouse kicking students who did poorly in class.  To this day, they still can't pay teachers reasonable salaries.

If you read the fine print at the end of the Guiness Book of World Records, it says 'All record here were broken by Chuck Norris, the names and pictures listed, are just the people who got the closest.'
When Chuck Norris goes out to dinner, he orders the whole chicken, but he usually only eats it's soul.